It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
