True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize