I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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