if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
