I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
