just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
