I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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