we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
