mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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