Sponge bath it is.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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