sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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