Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
