i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
