i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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