I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize