Dual....:-)
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You ate ashes out of my bong
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
