He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
