Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
