Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
