we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize