Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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