Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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