The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
