in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
