TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
