google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
