cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
