rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
