I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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