1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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