Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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