Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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