Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
