I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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