Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Welp...herpes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
