I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize