I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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