just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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