i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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