When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
