drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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