your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
