This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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