Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize