I wish I could teleport
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize