i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
