Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
