Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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