Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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