failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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