My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She needs sedatives and a leash
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
