even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
