That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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