Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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