I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
