Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
