went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
