I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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