What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
