It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
True strength comes from lack of pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize