I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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