she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
