I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
