I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
