is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The best revenge is premature balding
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
