I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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