You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
