i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So much Jack, so little girl.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
