tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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