Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
