this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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